1. The nerd gauntlet has been thrown down, kindly allow me to pick it up and throw it down again emphatically! I am a bona fide card-carrying member of the club (not the president, but at least on the board of directors), allow me to present a few of my qualifications: I collected comic books and action figures (all were stolen years ago so I stopped). Instead of a globe of the Earth most kids had, I had a globe of Mars. I graduated high school with a 4.0 gpa and received my BS in engineering with a 3.5 gpa. If I’m not reading a fantasy/sci-fi book, then it’s a book on chemistry or physics for no other reason than I find those subject fascinating. I think rocks are very interesting. I have a light saber. I think Monty Python is hilarious, I know a lot of their skits by heart. I can fix anything mechanical, and most things electronic.
2. If you saw me walking down the street, or at the beach, or rock climbing, or racing mountain bikes, or snowboarding, or partying with my friends you would never guess I have #1 inside; nerd is just one shade of me. I do not like labels or stereotypes and do my best to redefine any mold I find myself lumped into.
3. I enjoy masturbation. Everyone does it (if they say they don’t, they’re lying, stop that!), no one talks about it. Why not? It’s not a replacement for sex by a long shot, and I’m lucky I guess because I always manage to get laid, but I have to admit that I give myself the best hand job I’ve ever had. I am very much a fan of sharing, however, and always on the look out for someone who thinks their technique can 1-up me.
4. I’ve had sex with a married woman. I do not condone cheating and never cheat when I am in a relationship, but I was 19, she was 18 and married to a guy who was 52. She wasn’t getting what she needed and came to me and I was able to make her happy.
5. I am deathly afraid of spiders. If one gets near me I’ll scream. If one crawls on me it’s game over.
6. I can only count to 5.
6 for real. If you put me in a car I become an asshole and hate everyone in the world, especially the idiot right in front of me. The same person I’d smile at and say hello to if we passed on the sidewalk will instead bear the brunt of all my wrath as I yell the worst things imaginable at them (with my windows rolled up of course, this is LA, I don’t want to get shot). If only I gave people the finger in the bedroom as much as I do in my car… *rim shot*