I am but a mere mortal man…
…but god damn I would try my hardest!
In my college dorm we were all drinking and hanging out one night when I overheard a few girls talking about who gives better head. Obviously a conversation like this only comes up after a night of drinking :). One of them was a really cute brunette who I’d been trying to meet since the quarter started, so I walked over and told them that I’ve long held claim to being the best receiver of head in the western continental United States (there’s some dudes back east that are REALLY good). The laughed like I was joking! In order to prove it, I asked the brunette to pick any other guy at the party, take us back to her room, and we’ll blindfold her and let her take the Pepsi challenge.
Now who could resist such a charming offer? She accepted, and picked a guy (who I didn’t happen to know) and we went back to her dorm room where both us guys, ahem, “got her comfortable”. We asked her how we’d know who won (I was pretty confident, holding the title and all), and all she said was, “You’ll know.” So out came the blindfold, on went the protection, and the contest was over before we knew it. Me and the other fella buttoned up and she escorted us out with a smile and shut the door behind us. Neither of us could really believe that had just happened! We shook hands (naw, we were drunk, so I’m sure it was high-fives, but I like to remember it as shaking hands; sounds much more civilized), and went our separate ways back to our rooms.
When I got back to my room and was undressing, I found a note in my pocket that said, “You won” and had her phone number. That turned out to be a really fun relationship that lasted the rest of the school year and spawned several other stories, but it’ll take me a few beers at the ranch before “Walmart” and “Freeway BJ” come out.