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Yes, I think that would be great idea to think about. I am not really trying to go after a woman who I probably expect a rejection from. At least from that end, I can basically assume that girls would talk to me. I really think I am in need of seeing someone about this. It’s like I am emitting some sort of aura about me that somehow is easy to tell how I don’t have a girl I’m with. I hope it doesn’t come out that I’m a virgin, but it seems to probably be easy to tell, I guess. Oh, man. I can easily see how sheepishly weak & shy I am in my life, and it is sickening to me. I hope to not let this continue, for the life of me.

I know I have this passion and fire inside me that is just waiting to come out, and I know I have this internal person who wants to feel loved and to give some to another person, but I am so worried that I will not be able to know what to do and I will look stupid over it. I haven’t had a woman even touch me, let alone kiss me. I also haven’t had a woman even say she would have sex with me. It honestly scares me to think about it. I might freak out over a girl touching me. I’m not comfortable, i believe. I’m a little unsure I will be able to know what to do, but I do know I don’t want to be the only one who hasn’t done it. I hope to finally have that special something, that first kiss, that first night, that first time. I want to have it all. I don’t want to be the only one without ever having one and be the perpetual virgin, I think. I want to finally experience some passionate moments in life, giving kisses and some other romantic things through sexuality, like everyone else does. It’s like joining the club, I guess.

I do know, however, that I feel scared about it all. I am afraid of it all. I fear it won’t go too well. I fear messing up. I fear failure. What if I’m not any good? Will she say it to me? What will happen if I like suck? Those are the thoughts running in my mind every time I think about sex. Fear holds me back for sure. It might crush me inside if it does. I hope to be perfect, but I fear I won’t. I’m such a nerdy geek that I probably am not the type women want anyway. I’m not exactly a turn-on, if you know what I mean. I am so afraid, like fainting afraid. The wimpy nervous guy is coming again. I wonder if there is any way my fears can be assuaged. Maybe since she so experienced, she can help me do all this. Maybe she will help teach me what to do.

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