I think my violent shakes are mostly part in due to my fear with not knowing what to do. I’m also afraid of how she will react. I try so hard to get people to like me. I want to please the woman so badly. I have a hard time accepting rejection from others, I guess. My internal mind gets to talking, and it gets to speaking quite loudly to me, where it says that I am doing something wrong, I think. I worry over my performance, and I hope that I am doing something right. I want so hard to win the hot girl that I get so scared to be around her and do something stupid, which I inevitably do anyway.
Yes, I am shaking because she is an attractive female. I end up looking so weird doing it, and I wonder what to do. I know I’m aroused, but I am afraid to be with a girl because I believe I will do something wrong like hurt or be accused of something like assaulting her. I was scared over that.
See, whenever I get around a female and she is close upon me, there is something that happens. I’ve never really been the type to attract girls, and no girl has ever really been interested in me. So, whenever I get close to one, something ‘arises’.
I got a kiss one time a while ago from this girl I used to kind of like, and when that happened, I had basically a major erection, and it was so easy to tell for her. She was more experienced than me, and she could tell by my face how embarrassed I was by the whole “erection”. I did not know what to do, except run away in such embarrassment. I was worried that she was going to laugh about it, but it just struck me.
It was so weird to me. With me being so inexperienced, I didn’t know what to do at that time. I thought she would be offended by it, because most girls usually are repulsed by the thought of me, I believe. Really, there hasn’t been a girl who has looked to touch me ever. I have been dateless, sexless, kissless, and basically never touched in my lifetime. So, I am basically programmed to rejection. I was afraid of that. With that girl, she was with somebody anyway. It made me nervous, because I didn’t know if she was going to like me or not. So, I retreated in fear, thinking rejection was going to happen. My erection basically made me even more nervous. In essence, I run from rejection to avoid pain and overwhelming heartache.
So, I often imagine what it would be like to have to tell a girl I like that I’m a virgin. I’ve heard most girls don’t even like virgins. It’s a stigma in society, no bones about it. I get so afraid to tell her that I’m a virgin because I’m afraid of how she will react. I wonder if she will laugh and then say she won’t want to be with me, which has happened before. I hope to have it go well, but with my little confidence, I wonder if that will ever happen. I get so scared to make a move, with a potential for rejection.
I don’t really know how to touch a woman, so I get afraid of really touching one. Where to put my hands and all that. Add in my super-ability to be awkward in any situation, and it is sure to go well. I am already having sexual thoughts, and now I have to act in a way I’m not comfortable, yeah, I get nervous. All these thoughts in my head just running so wild, and I can’t seem to contain. The worst get tagged to my virginity.
My virgin tag almost seems to be the albatross on my neck, and it seems to do more harm than good. It’s debilitating. I don’t want anybody to know. I feel like people would laugh at me for it. I hope to be a whole lot different than that. Oh, well. Maybe this would help me.
I also shake because most girls I fear are out of my league. I’ve never been called attractive, to be honest. Most girls that I know would never go for me. One of the things that I would liek to know is if they would find a skinny guy like me attractive. I doubt it, but who knows? I mean, I’m a nervous, shy, virgin, and a geek on top of it. Who would really want me?
That’s how I feel most days. I feel like I could never deserve or obtain girls in real life, especially those as fine as those on this site. They would just laugh at me and think I’m pathetic. I don’t think most girls would be attracted to me. I just put off this vibe, I think, that blocks women from going for me. I heard virgins do that. So, maybe going for a girl who I’d pay to be with would help me gain some confidence or something. Who knows if this would be invaluable for me.
All I really would like to hear is someone saying they love me, they value me, and they think I’m special and attractive. I want to hold her and give her nothing but good pleasure. I want her to tell me that she enjoys me. It’s what I want most. The sex is such a bonus, but the affirmation is such a key. I want that so much. I don’t want to go without that anymore. I don’t want to be some worthless virgin.
Will my inexperience show by my awkwardness? Will she disapprove of me because of it? Will she think I’m pathetic? I’m worried about that. I’m so shy it’s paralyzing for me. Pathetic, in my opinion. Can you blame me, though? Sex is like foreign to me. Honestly, kissing is foreign to me. It would be overwhelming.
