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I think I also freak out because I am trained to think s_x as a bad thing, so I am afraid to do it. Anything sexual has been avoided in my life, and I feel like s_x has been deemed an evil in my mind. I know it’s not, but I have been frigid and gun-shy due to my thinking. Thus, I am nervous because I am inexperienced with women in general.

I don’t know what to do, and it’s not like I have had a lot of women wanting to touch me. I’ve basically been walled off from women, and no one has even come near me. It’s been nonexistent. I would like to actually have a girl come touch me and all that. I get nervous thinking about it, and I feel like shaking. I need to get past this, though. I’ve been held back for this.

Wrong vs right, what’s the right thing to do. It’s a little prudery vs prurient. I definitely feel that. I have that sexual side about me, I know it. I’m just afraid to show it and let it come alive. I’m afraid of doing something “wrong”, though I kind of want to lose my virginity. Though I want to finally fit in and become normal.

I think it’s safe to say that I’m ashamed to still be a virgin. That makes me super-nervous. It screams of loser.

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