[Lily Lovecraft]

BDSM Rules for play

The BDSM community is generally a tight knit one since prior to the popularity brought by the move “50 Shades of Gray” we were considered fring or taboo sexually. I have been apart of the community for many years now and have a lot of friends and clients who enjoy it as well. For those of you who are new or curious about BDSM and how it works, I would like to give you a basic understanding of the rules and why we have them as well as some of the possitive experiences that can come from BDSM.

We are very lucky to have access to an amazing dungeon at Sheri’s and I use it frequently. The first thing that I do once I know you are interested in a bondage party it to ask questions that will establish the boundarys of our experience together.   You want a Femme Domme party? Do you want it to include pegging? Corporal punishment? How severe and what implants have you had used on you before? What is your pain tolerance and do you consider yourself a pain slut? If not thats totally fine, we can do sensual domination. Is there any parts of your body you don’t want me to touch or to not be touched by parts of my body? Do you like feet or stalkings or other fetishes I should focus on? Can we use ball gags or preform fish hook? Do you like spit? Do you like orgasm control, edging or denial? Are there certain words you would like me to call you or not say during our scene? What is your previous experience with BDSM and/or reciving anal? Do you like sensory deprivation like blindfolds and are you ok with being restrained? All these questions are very important since it is only fun for me if it is also fun for you. I have personally gone through slave training and have made many hard core BDSM porns where I am the sub and I answer these questions before each scene as well. BDSM is about power exchange and so trust and communication are very important. Some of the things we can do together are dangerous without proper training and that is why after we have gone through the questions we will sign a waiver. I always use the stop light system: green means go, I love it, yellow means slowdown I’m starting to not like it or we are coming close to crossing the comfterable pain threshold, red means stop now. These are the safty words and I will watch your face the entire time to make sure that you are actually enjoying yourself. The goal as a Domme is to never have your sub say red but at the same time to push and test your subs abilities. There are many kinds of subs and their needs and desires very. I have a lot of experience as a sub so I deeply understand the needs and psychology of subs. I started as a Domme in my personal life when I was 16 and have experienced both sides of the coin and am a proud switch. Everything I do to my subs I have personally experienced and know exactly how it feels so I take BDSM very seriously.

When done with respect and from a place of knolage and understanding BDSM can be very empowering for its participants. If it is not done this way BDSM can be very dangerous physically and mentally so it is very important to communicate your needs and expectations before we start and to follow the rules unique to every sub.

A positive relationship between the two people can result in the sub feeling a sense of strength that comes from pushing ones limits. A sorce of pride from serving and providing for the dom. Giving up control can also provide a feeling relife from the stress of making desitions and an escape from the feelings of guilt associated with sex. This occurs because when one gives up control, they also let got of choice, if the sex that is happening is no longer the choice of the sub then they no longer carry the responsibility of those decisions, relieving them from the guilt society has placed on sex.  A lot of the time subs are very powerful people in thier work life with a lot of responsability and pressure so being able to give up power and control in their sex life can be very therapeutic.

Rules are for safety
Sex is for fun
Each of us is different
So judge no one!

Thanks for reading!
Until next time
All my Love
Lily Lovecraft

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[Flint]

Not my thing, but thanks for those details, Lily

[Author]

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