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The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled “You Can Be the Man of Your House.” He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that’s done, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?” His wife replied, “The funeral director would be my guess.”
Tit for Tat A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge £20 for sex,” she said. The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £25.”
Paddy rings his new girlfriends doorbell holding a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers and drags him inside. She lies down, pulls up her skirt, rips her knickers off and says “this is for the flowers.” “Dont be daft” says Paddy “you must have a vase somewhere”
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