As a licensed sex worker practicing my trade in a legal Nevada brothel, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve seen a lot of penises. I’ve seen large and small penises, circumcised and uncircumcised penises, wide penises, skinny penises, dark toned and light, curved, long, short, hairy, shaved — even micropenises. Name a type of penis and I came, saw, and conquered it (not necessarily in that order).

My experience with penises, and the men that they are attached to, puts me in a unique position to comment on an increasingly popular trend that, in my opinion, stems from gross misinformation and intentionally misleading marketing. The trend I’m talking about is penis enhancement fillers, where a liquid is injected into the shaft of the penis in an attempt to increase penile girth and allegedly improve the penis’s ability to deliver sexual satisfaction. Penis fillers are the latest in a long line of male enhancement crazes that profit from men’s insecurities, including penis pumps, pills, lotions, and (yikes!) stretching exercises.

Now, I’m not going to comment on whether or not this latest penis enhancement trend succeeds in making a man girthier, or what complications can develop from such a delicate procedure. What interests me is the never-ending obsession men have with the size of their penis, and how this preoccupation, regardless of what steps are taken to lengthen or thicken their dick, will always ultimately lead to an unfulfilled sex life. Below are a few reasons why guys may need to reconsider that filler appointment and take advice from a woman who knows more about deriving pleasure from a man than just about anyone else on Earth.

Mila May is a licensed sex worker at Sheri’s Ranch, a legal brothel near Las Vegas

You’re watching too much porn

If you’re considering drastic methods to increase the size of your manhood, I bet that you are an avid watcher of pornography. In the internet age porn is everywhere, and much of it is available at no charge to the 81 million visitors that frequent sites like Pornhub daily. Now, more that ever, men are exposed to a constant stream of porn-style sex – and many millennial men have been watching internet porn since they were young. Online porn is shaping the way many young and sexually inexperienced men view sex, cultivating an unrealistic expectation of sexual performance and pleasure.

Men brainwashed by online pornography will believe that a large dick is necessary in order to please a woman, because porn features an impossible ratio of well-endowed male performers. Women in porn swoon over these monstrous cocks as if they are a gift from god that they just can’t wait to jump on. The phrases “it’s so big” and “feels so good” uttered over and over by these actresses have conditioned male porn viewers that a small or even average-sized penis just won’t meet a woman’s needs.

Well, it’s all bunk. Not only does porn mislead men into thinking that large cocks are an absolute necessity for pleasuring a woman, but the type of sex displayed in adult videos is also not necessarily what women are looking for. Porn has nearly ruined sex for many men that come to see me. They’re too concerned about the logistics and athletics of the positions and not focused on the tenderness and sensuality crucial to quality sexual activity. Sex is not a sport or a physical challenge, it’s an expression of desire and mutual appreciation. Communicating your devotion for each other by gazing lovingly into your partner’s eyes as you slowly and luxuriously massage each other’s intimate areas, for example, may not be as cinematic as a well-hung guy pounding away at a woman in a piledriver position – but I guarantee you it feels hotter, is much more affectionate, and often has a greater chance of getting a female to orgasm.

Porn is fantasy. Enjoy it as such, but please don’t use it as a sex education tool. If you want to learn about the reality of sexual enjoyment, see a professional sex worker like me. If big penises were essential for sex, all men would have them. After all, sex is not only for fun but also for procreation. If men with 10-inch penises were exclusively attractive to women, humanity would be extinct by now.

It’s not about size, it’s about attention to a woman’s needs

Another thing that you might want to address before pursuing dick injections is whether or not you’re a self-centered lover. If you’re looking to increase your size so that you can attract more women so that they can fulfill your needs, you’re thinking wrong. What makes a man good in bed is not the size of his equipment, it’s the extent of his generosity. When you have sex, is your objective to bang one out and get to sleep or to make your partner feel amazing?

A selfish lover, regardless of penis size, is a crappy lover. By contrast, a selfless lover, regardless of penis size, is never going to find himself without a date on a Saturday night.

Women love foreplay and tactile sensations. We love when men speak softly into our ear and whisper naughty things to get us hot. We love when men take their time and get us dripping wet in anticipation of intercourse. Here’s a secret from a pro — and I am literally a pro — I’ve experienced more orgasms from a man’s hands and mouth than I ever have from a man’s penis. Use them. Touch me. Go down on me. Turn me on and show me that you want to please me as much as I want to please you.

Another thing, don’t be afraid to ask what a woman wants. Ask her what she desires and make it your objective to satiate those desires. Don’t worry about your skill or experience, that will come in time. Just remember, it’s not just about you and it’s certainly not about your penis – it’s about her too.

Confidence is more attractive than a big penis

Ever wonder why women go gaga over rock stars, CEOs, and athletes? I know what you’re thinking: it’s because these guys have money. Not true. What they do have, and what really turns women on, is their self-confidence.

Confident men — men that are generally secure in who they are and focused on what they want out of life – are sexy as hell to me and other women. Confidence is sexy.

If a man is considering getting penis injections or surgical enlargement, he probably lacks self-confidence. Whatever insecurities such a man is experiencing will not be “cured” by a penis injection. The root of the problem is low confidence and self-worth, not inadequate dick size.

In this sex worker’s opinion, men yearning for a bigger penis have most likely never had a lover that made them feel valuable. These men, for one reason or another, never found a compassionate sex partner that allowed them to explore their unique desires without judgment or shame. They were very likely never told how good they made a woman feel.

For decades, the marketing surrounding penis enhancement has targeted men with low self-confidence and fed into their bodily insecurities. The entire penis enlargement market is based on men’s lack of confidence, not their inability to please their lovers.

If you’re a man that’s thinking about artificially increasing your penis size, take a moment to consider if there are better ways to spend your money. Maybe all you need is a woman to show you what real sex and affection is all about. Maybe you need to learn how to better appreciate the needs of your lovers. Give yourself a little more credit. I guarantee you, you were born with everything you need to give a woman the most awe-inspiring orgasm of her life.