Everyone loves sex! It’s a basic human need. Have you ever wanted to spice things up and bring some toys into the bedroom but don’t know where to start? Toys can be intimidating — I have a butt plug so big it would scare most people — but with some basic training, proper cleaning and safety info, you will be wondering how you ever lived without these amazing sex inventions!

Lovecraft is a legal courtesan at Sheri’s Ranch

As a licensed sex worker at a legal Nevada brothel where all sex activities are 100% safe and STD-free, I’m exceptionally well versed in proper sex toy care. Sex toys can be made from many different kinds of materials such as wood, metal, plastic, silicone and even cotton fibers for ropes. Each material needs to be properly cleaned and maintained. Some sex toys can be pricey, so you don’t want to ruin them. Some sex toy materials can be porous like plastic, wood, and silicone. This means that bacteria can grow inside your toys and toys can spread nasty things like chlamydia so it’s really important to clean them after every use, even if you are only using them on yourself. You can pick up a toy cleaner at your local sex shop or order one online. Any time I use a toy on someone other than myself I use a condom on it to help protect my toys and my sex partners. But what about the toys you can’t put a condom on, like nipple clamps? Well, after I am done using the toy, I will soak them in rubbing alcohol. This doesn’t work for all toys, it depends on what it is made from. Rubbing alcohol can break down silicon so it’s best to use a toy cleaner for that, but toys made from wood, plastic and metal can be soaked in rubbing alcohol to keep them sterile. Some toys are dishwasher safe (read the box to find this out). If a toy has any electrical parts do not put them in water even if it says that it is water safe, I have lost many good toys this way.

Now that we all know how to keep our toys clean, let’s learn some about the BDSM toys I use in my day to day life.

I love my strap-on! I have several sizes and attachments. This is important because everyone’s level of experience is different. Some people might be an anal expert like myself, having starred in many adult films doing things like anal fisting and double penetration, while others might be brand new to the experience. Anal, when done correctly, can be one of the best orgasms of your life! It is really important to be with someone who knows what they are doing because it can also be dangerous. Make sure you use lots and lots of lube and that plenty of time is spent stretching out the muscle so that it is not painful. It is always best to do an enema about 1-2 hours before we start. This will cut down the risk of creating fissures (a tear in the rectum that might need surgery to fix!) And micro abrasions. It’s also cleaner and that is a really nice thing to do for your sex partner. The best position for trying pegging for the first time is for the receiver to lay on their side in the spooning position, this is the most comfortable way to get someone used to the incredibly strong sensation of anal penetration. Another great starting position is for the receiver to be on their back with their knees and feet up by their head. The most frightening thing that can go wrong when it comes to pegging and anal is called prolapsing also known as the pink sock. This is when the inside of the butt comes out and is trapped outside the body by the sphincter. This could also take surgery to fix.

Make sure that if you are new to this kind of play that you choose someone with the knowledge and skill to keep you safe, because it can either be painful and dangerous or the best experience of your life that will change sex for you for the better. Remember everyone loves anal play when it’s done correctly. It’s not “gay” to like things in your butt. After all, many men and women enjoy anal!

Restraints are a popular request when it comes to BDSM. There is something so beautiful and freeing about giving up control and trusting your partner, especially for men who are very successful in work and have a lot of pressure on them in their day to day lives. Being tied up can be incredibly relaxing. You just lay back and let me do what I want to you (of course, only things you have consented to in advance). The most important thing to know about restraints is that they can cut off blood flow, pinch the skin or hurt your nerves if they are not done correctly. Your Domme should check to make sure they are comfortable when they are put on and watch to make sure that fingers and such are not turning purple. If the person is standing and restrained at the same time the Domme should never leave their submissive unattended in the event that the person starts to pass out. It is best not to have someone tied up and standing for longer than 45 minutes at a time for safety. A properly trained Domme will make sure that the restraints are easy for them to remove quickly in case something goes wrong. I prefer to use plastic wrist and ankle cuffs that buckle on and then tie the O ring on the cuffs to, for example, something like my bed posts. This way if someone starts to feel lightheaded I can have them untied in seconds.

Impact play is an activity for the more advanced sub and there are many different toys for this that all have their own feel. For beginners I like to use floggers. They are a milder implement for impact play because they are made from soft leather and they feel wonderful on the skin. A level above that would be a paddle. These can be made from wood, hard leather and some may have holes cut in them, hooks attached to them or metal studs on them and all these things will create more of a bite upon impact. This tool may also leave bruising on the skin, so if you don’t want your Domme to leave any lasting marks on you let your Domme know that beforehand. A skilled Domme will know exactly how to use impact implements on you without leaving any marks at all. The hardest impact implement is a cane and they can be made from carbon fibers, wood, and metal. This tool will leave deep bruises and may even break the skin! You can watch them be used on me in my shoot for Assylum.com, it was a lot of fun!

Like toys, BDSM is a lot of fun — but unlike a girlfriend experience, BDSM can be dangerous if the Domme is not properly trained. Make sure before you engage in this type of play that you are with a trained professional as you are putting your safety in another person’s hands. I never use a toy on someone that I haven’t used on myself first. Everything I do to you I know exactly what it feels like, not unlike how law enforcement must be tazed and pepper sprayed before they are allowed to carry them and use them on others. When you are with a trained professional there is nothing to worry about, just relax and have fun. Even the most basic things take experience to understand and the right Domme will be able to teach you how to be safe as well as have the info to help you get connected in the fetish community, find classes and events, and even help you make new friends. If you are interested in a top notch BDSM experience please book your appointment with me today so we can make all your fetish fantasies come true using only the highest standards for safety — and maximized fun!