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“Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn!” ~ Billy Crystal
“I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce!” ~ J. Edgar Hoover
“If fear is the great enemy of intimacy, love is its true friend!” ~ Henri Nouwen
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind!” ~ Humphrey Bogart
“Things are never so bad they can’t be made worse!” ~ Humphrey Bogart
“A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love!” ~ Stendhal
“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” ~ Barbara Bush
“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.” ~ Groucho Marx
“Sex, whatever else it is, is an athletic skill. The more you practice, the more you can, the more you want to, the more you enjoy it, the less it tires you.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein
Joke of the Day…
Double Standard for Men and Women
When a Girl uses a vibrator, it’s viewed as erotic pleasure.
BUT… when a guy makes passionate love to a 240-volt Binford Fornication Master Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6-speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optimal built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system and affectionately names her Miss Sugar Pussy, he’s branded a pervert.
WOULD YOU MARRY AGAIN?
A husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the Wife
Looks over at him and asks the question…WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”
HUSBAND: “Definitely not!”
WIFE: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?”
HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”
WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”
HUSBAND: “Okay, okay, I’d get married again.”
WIFE: “You would?” (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: “Would you live in our house?”
HUSBAND: “Sure, it’s a great house.”
WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”
HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?”
WIFE: “Would you let her drive my car?”
HUSBAND: “Probably, it is almost new.”
WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?”
HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.”
WIFE: “Would you give her my jewelry?”
HUSBAND: “No, I’m sure she’d want her own.”
WIFE: “Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: “Yes, those are always good times.”
WIFE: “Would she use my clubs?
HUSBAND: “No, she’s left-handed.”
WIFE: Dead silence…
HUSBAND: (Thinking… “Oh shit.”)
“It’s only when a mosquito lands on a man’s testicles that he realizes there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.” ~ A True Gentleman
“Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference. Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the callers. Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is. Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river. Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. Don’t major in minor things. Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Helen Keller, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly. Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Don’t waste time grieving over past mistakes Learn from them and move on. Every person needs to have their moment in the sun, when they raise their arms in victory, knowing that on this day, at his hour, they were at their very best. Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, ‘Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office’. Give people a second chance, but not a third. Judge your success by the degree that you’re enjoying peace, health and love. Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly. Leave everything a little better than you found it. Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life and death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems. Never cut what can be untied. Never overestimate your power to change others. Never underestimate your power to change yourself. Remember that overnight success usually takes about fifteen years. Remember that winners do what losers don’t want to do. Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out. Spend less time worrying who’s right, more time deciding what’s right. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life. Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get. The importance of winning is not what we get from it, but what we become because of it. When facing a difficult task, act as though it’s impossible to fail.”
— Jackson Brown Jr.
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring!” ~ Marilyn Monroe
“Show me a man who doesn’t eat his woman’s pussy and I’ll show you a man’s woman I can steal!” ~ cunnilingusman
“You’re born a regular fully functioning capable human being but when you have a cycle of being a shithead and are surrounded by shithead people that do shithead things, guess what? You’ll probably be a shithead too. Do yourself a favor, cut out the cancer and evolve. The world doesn’t need more shitheads.” ~ Katt Williams
“I respect you,” he murmured, “and your views. I think of you as an equal. I admire your brains, and all those big words you like to use. But I also want to rip your clothes off and fuck you until you scream and cry OMG!” ~ Jack Travis (Smooth Talking Stranger)
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