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“You don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit into the wind, you don’t try to unmask the Lone Ranger, you don’t mess around with Jim, and you don’t fart while getting a blowjob!”
“My people skills are just fine. It’s my lack of tolerance to idiots that’s uncompromising.”
25% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. 75% of men kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wife.
“A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” ~ Saint Basil
“Who is wise in love, love most, say least.” ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson
I don’t care how attractive you think you look; if you have an ugly heart, you’re ugly!
Inspiring words from the Dalai Lama or maybe it was Confucius or Buddha… Regardless of the source the message is profound…
Without Honesty… there is no Truth…
Without Truth… there is no Love…
Without Love… there is NOTHING!
I’m way late to this thread but here are a few:
“I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me “sir.”” -Joan Rivers
“Sex Appeal – Give Generously” -bumper sticker
“”She was so wild that when she made French toast she got her tongue stuck in the toaster.” -Rodney Dangerfield
“Sex is natural, but not if it’s done right” -Unknown
and best of all, again Joan Rivers:
“I caused my husband’s heart attack.In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half and hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.”
Joke of the Day
A doctor informed family members, “The only lifesaving alternative for your loved one is a brain transplant. It’s a very risky experimental procedure, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the operation, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, “How much will a brain cost?”
The doctor quickly responded, “$5,000 for a Democrat’s brain and $200 for a Republican’s brain.”
The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrats in the family actually had to try not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the Republican family members. A relative unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, “Why is the Democrat’s brain so much more than a Republican’s brain?”
The doctor smiled at the question and explained to the entire group, “It’s just standard market pricing. Republicans’ brains are less expensive because they’ve been used.”
Or a variation on that: $200/lb for Republican brain and $1000/lb for Democrat brain. Why is it so much more for Democrat brain? Well, do you know how many Democrats it takes to get one pound of brain?
The two enemies of the people are criminals and Government, so let us tie the second down with the chains of the Constitution so the second will not become the legalized version of the first. ~ President Thomas Jefferson
Joke of the Day
A blind guy sits down in a diner and says to the waiter, “I’m sorry but I’m blind and I can’t read the menu unless it’s in braille, so just bring me a dirty fork, I’ll smell it, and order from there.”
The waiter picks up a greasy fork, and hands it to the blind guy.
The blind guy puts the fork to his nose, breathes deep, and says, “Ah… that’s what I’ll have… meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”
The waiter can’t believe it, and he goes and tells his wife, Rose, who’s the cook.
The next day the blind guy walks in and the waiter says, “I’ll get you a dirty fork.”
He gets a dirty fork and hands it to the blind guy. The blind guy smells it, and says, “That smells great. I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.”
The waiter thinks the blind guy is fucking with him now, so the next day when the blind guy walks in he goes into the kitchen and says to his wife, “Rose, rub this fork on your pussy.”
She does it, and then he goes out and hands it to the blind guy.
The blind guy puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, “Hey, I didn’t know Rose worked here!”
Jokes of the Day
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~ Groucho Marx
Women should be obscene and not heard. ~ Groucho Marx
Wilt Chamberlain stated in his 1991 book, A View From Above, that he slept with 20,000 different women in his life. This calculates to having sex with 1.14 women per day from the age of 15 up until the day of his 1999 death at 63, a rate of almost eight women per week (which is extremely doubtful). However, Wilt once admitted that 20,000 was an estimate and more of a lighthearted exaggeration.
In a 1999 interview, shortly before he died, Wilt made the following revealing statement: “Having a thousand different ladies is pretty cool, I’ve learned in my life. I’ve (also) found out that having one woman a thousand different times is more satisfying.”
I believe that’s one reason so many brothel clients have an ATF (all-time favorite) Courtesan.
Wilt Chamberlain was 7’1″ and weighed 300 pounds at his heaviest when he played center for the Lakers. He scored 100 points in a single 1962 Warrior’s game, but he was hot that day and his teammates were feeding him the ball for almost every shot taken; however, it’s a record that still stands today. Kobe Bryant is in second place with 81 points scored in 2006. Wilt is 5th on the NBA career points statistics at 31419, and exceeded only by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 38387, Karl Malone 36928, Kobe Bryant 32482 and Michael Jordan 32292.
Only 90% of women admit that they like cunnilingus oral sex; however, the denying 10% are liars!
Are you pooping wrong?
I was once told by an old man that when you get to be his age a good shit in the morning is better than sex; however, I must be too young because I still prefer a good fuck to taking a dump anytime! 🙂 😉
A one foot high Squatty Potty Stool is a simple, natural solution for better elimination, and is designed to improve body alignment. This sturdy, custom-designed stool allows for proper toilet posture on our existing toilets. And, it wraps your toilet perfectly, allowing it to easily store out of the way when not in use. http://www.squattypotty.com/Articles.asp?ID=256
There’s the Squatty Potty too that improves alignment. http://wellnessmama.com/7013/a-proper-way-to-poo-squatty-potty-review/
Japanese toilets now have bidet and spray features too. http://www.tofugu.com/2013/07/22/why-japanese-toilets-are-failing-in-america/
Pooping… you’re doing it wrong!
Ergonomically-Correct ‘Wellbeing Toilet’ Helps You Poop the Right Way http://inhabitat.com/ergonomically-correct-wellbeing-toilet-helps-you-poop-the-right-way/“To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.” ~ Thomas Payne
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